Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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