if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
