I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
