The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
