i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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