Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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