if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
