Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize