she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
