Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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