Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
