so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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