She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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