i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
