Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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