ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
