You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
