ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
