Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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