we have officially lost it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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