You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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