My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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