I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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