She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
