Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
