if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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