Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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