Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I puked a lego.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
