Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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