yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
