Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
