Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
