She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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