marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
