This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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