Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
