I seem to have left my pride at pride
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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