There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
