he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
