I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
