...so i touched it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize