That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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