I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
