oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
