im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
