Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
