How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
