when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
