I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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