You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
