I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
