youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
