some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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