so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
