Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
