my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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