did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
