you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
