Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
