I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
