Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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